I choose to keep to myself.

Went home today. Had fun at home with all my cousins and mum and grandma. It is all for her. For reason: She is going back to China tomorrow. And the question is: Will I see her again?

Writing this post in tears is really difficult. But I have to. I want the world to know how magnificent she was to my life. She was the one that brought me from China all the way here (with ah-kong). SHe was the one that sent me to school everyday. She was the one who washed clothes, who cooked, who did chores, who fetched my brother, who bought groceries. She was EVERYTHING.

I am very very sorry to appear emo-ish tonight. The scenery around the boarding school is very tears-inducing. Furthermore, when I talked to her on the phone, the way she expressed her concern to me really really touched me.

I may appear to hate my family at times. There are simply too many strange and complicated things going on in the house. I am actually not that happy-go-lucky guy you see around at all. It is just that I feel that there is no point showing the whole world how emo you are, or what grief you are under. Look, no one can change whatever has happened.

Miss Ling was right. She once commented to my parents that I am somebody who seldom confides to others his true feelings and thoughts. Maybe I am THAT complicated.

Many of times I argue with Grandma over trivial stuff. especially over her forgetfulness. Sometimes her nagginess builds on to the tension. But towards the end, she was just trying to show her concern. It is the 年少轻狂 and 恣意妄为 me which do not appreciate it.

Dousing myself in 4 bottles of Singapore Sling do not douse away my emotions at all. In fact, they build on to the sorrow. I think I need to go church. It is God that I can really depend on. Really.

It’s OK if you pretend not to see, or if you did not notice. I shall not blame you tonight.

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