Illeism, a stylistic device
Suddenly some late night musing after drinking a jar of beer at the hawkers. As you might know, I am someone who acts on emotions, not really by rationality. I guess your O Level Biology is right—alcohol is a depressant.
Before I begin on this short and impromptu post, I must say, I am not reminiscing my university days. I can’t wait to leave this place in the past 6 months and am glad to do so. So don’t bother asking the next time you see me.
These six years has made me a stronger person, much stronger than I thought I would have been in 2012. I don’t think many would have been through the same kind of nonsense that I did these six years. Well of course, 家家都有难念的经, it is not fair to compare circumstances (because I truly believe that God is fair and omnipotent), but if you were in my shoes, you probably would want to get out of that pair of shoes and go FML.
Maintaining social expectations wasn’t easy.
Pursuing economically impracticable interests wasn’t easy.
Making ends meet wasn’t easy.
Being a friend and leader simultaneously wasn’t easy.
Hanging around people who don’t care wasn’t easy.
Of course the situation deteriorates when you get into toxic relationships.
FML.
The optimistic self would say: Learn from it lah.
But deep down you really just go 林北不甘心 and gloat about it.
如果你经历过一段让你痛苦的感情 (not referring to romantic relationships, but relationships in general)，我想你才会明白。
当局者迷旁观者清，当自己深陷其中的时候，并不了解自己有多么的难堪。
只有当一切都时过境迁云淡风轻时，才明白那些事情什么玩意儿。
自己看清楚自己很难，唯有爱过、痛过，才是人生吧。
This is one of my favorite Jolin Tsai songs because IT MAKES YOU WAKE UP.
It makes you want to detach yourself from that body of yours, and you start to look at yourself as if you were a third person.
Ask yourself (like how the MV did):
「我的表情夠堅強嗎？」
「我該哭嗎？」
「我該挽留他嗎？」
我开始用第三人称的口气
I started using the tone of a Third Person,
不疾不徐全事不关己
Slowly but steady, as if nothing to do with me.
看着他自成一局歇斯底里
Watching him (i.e. yourself) getting hysterical alone,
看着他双人床上solo抽泣
Watching him solo sobbing on that twin bed,
第三人称的自己有病就呻吟
Looking at myself whining whenever there’s pain,
那么神经那么入戏
So absurd so engrossed.
It takes time to overcome myself.
Emotionally weak indeed.
此情可待成追忆，只是当时已惘然。
