九死一生

This would really be a dreadful post, I promise you. Do not sympathise me or whatsoever.

Responsibility is very important, on both the user and the receiver. Should one end failed to realise anything, the other party should have the courage and integrity and responsibility to point out the mistake, to prevent disastrous end-effects. Even though we Chinese tend to be concerned over “face” issues, it is not very ethical to leave somebody in deep shit and fail to do anything about it. Ok I sound angsty. Shouldn’t have been.

Thesis last day. After this I shall indulge myself in worldly desires for weeks. ARGH I can’t take this anymore. It’s so stupid of me to undermine the high intensity of 820138213Wm¯² of Chinese skills in order to take this stupid subject combination. I should just happily take Econs and end up in some mugger class. Then maybe I would have settle down better. Then maybe I would have scored better. Then maybe I would not be struggling so hard now. Then maybe I would be applying for some guai-lan angmoh scholarship now. Then maybe…. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I just hope that I can take a long deep sleep, and never have to wake up. It’s so much better living in dreams and fantasies (not the fantasising fantasies) then facing all this shit everyday. Then I don’t have to run like mad everyday on the track just to relieve stress. Tekanan. Running may be a chore, but it has became part and parcel of my life; it’s my 生命的泉源. Somehow this few days when I seem down, only running keeps me alert, constantly reminding myself to put everything away behind my mind and just run and run and run and run. I am lost in my own heaps and piles of bullshit, that I created myself in the beginning.

Damn, this is so tiring. 生命的目的到底为何?为了达到个人的目标,整天这样子奔波劳碌,值得吗?个人的使命是什么?意义又为何?究竟要对达到什么样的指标,人才会满足?

期待解放的那一天,但愿这“解放”不是另一场桎梏的开始。

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