The Retrocession

This semester has been a roller-coaster ride, like really. So many things happened in a short span of 4 months, that really got me overwhelmed and subsumed. Well it is nice to have only two exams. One later at 9am, and another on Wednesday. AND THAT'S IT. 很爽对不对？ Yeah, I thought I loved exams. Or at least was good at it. Then I realised, I am only good at it because I either liked it, and know a lot about it. A friend of mine told me 3 years ago, "Yangs you know what, you either know a lot about something, or you know really nothing about it." He's right. I am really selective about what I want to know, rather than what I need to know. So, as I took Political Science module this semester (PS1101E) that is, I became complacent. I never assumed I was smarter than the rest (even though many people think I am smarter, I am really not), just that I thought I was more efficient in studying. I guess things took a dip for a reason. I forgot that I had ...

Haven’t been here for a while; it’s been close to two months since I last updated anything. Well, life still goes on with or without you anyway, it is what you choose to do that is going to make the difference. Life is about making choices. I have therefore failed in life, for that matter. It is pointless crying over spilt milk. Worse still, the spilt milk turned sour and left this lingering stench which the perpetrator needs to “sort it out”. 原來你是 我最想留住的幸運 原來我們 和愛情曾經靠得那麼近 那為我對抗世界的決定 那陪我淋的雨 一幕幕都是你 一塵不染的真心 與你相遇 好幸運 可我也失去 為你淚流滿面的權利 但願在我看不到的天際 你張開了雙翼 遇見你的註定 她會有多幸運 It is fate. This is fate. Aku berdosa. Tidak diampuni.

很多人都说男人是用下半身思考的动物，其实这句话并不完全正确。当他身边的女人给不了他幸福的时候，他就会用大脑思考，把这个女人化为他心里可以甘心割舍的殖民地了。 Sometimes, love is like sashimi. You don't feel sad when you cut it into smaller pieces, you don't feel sad when you devour them. You only feel sad when you realise you only have one piece of sashimi left on your plate, which cost you $35. Learn to give and take. If not please leave.

最美好的相处平衡，就是有人冷静，有人热情，并且愿意为对方改变那可以改变的一点点。 时间不会为你静止。 Time waits for no man, and woman.

有偏见的人，自然认为他们的偏见就不算是偏见，如果我们硬说是偏见，那是我们自己有偏见，应该是这样理解的。 付出才是真正的快乐。无论任何领域，只要把份内工作当作回馈，生命即变得有价值，有使命感。 放下过去，和自己和解。当我们对别人有所不满，其实真正反映的是自己的脆弱；当我们觉得别人都对不起自己，其实是自己从未善待过自己。 埋怨与妒恨，只会让自己的人生包袱变得沉重；彻底卸下心防，才是王道。

Was lamenting the loss of my socks. Well you know, it's pretty irritating if you lose ONE sock. I wouldn't mind losing a pair; I could always buy a new pair. But just ONE? How about trying my luck at Sungei Road? 人生最懒叫的事莫过于袜子不见了。不见一双也就算了，不见一条却甚是可恶。Sometimes the dryer completes its mission before I could rescue my clothes. Some lousy Samaritan attempts to rescue them, but leaves one or two socks behind. 没错，就是这么硬生生地把它们拆散。 刹那想到 《神雕侠侣》 里，女魔头李莫愁因爱生恨，将陆家灭门之后，把陆展元和妻子何沅君的骨灰挖出来，分别埋进华山、倒入东海，使两者永世不得相见： 武三通突然喝道：“李莫愁，我要问你一句话，陆展元和何沅君的尸首，你弄到那里去了？”李莫愁陡然听到陆展元和何沅君的名字，全身一颤，脸上肌肉抽动，说道：“都烧成灰啦。 一个的骨灰散在华山之巅，一个的骨灰倒入了东海，叫他二人永生永世不得聚首。 ” 众人听她如此咬牙切齿的说话，怨毒之深，当真是刻骨铭心，无不心下暗惊。 ………… 这时四周树木着火，噼噗之声大作，热气越来越是难以忍受。黄蓉道：“大伙先退向东北角石山上再说。”各人奔上斜坡，眼见屋宇连绵，已尽数卷入烈火之中。 李莫愁被点中了穴道，虽能行走，武功却半点施展不出，暗自运气，想悄悄冲开穴道，乘人不防便突然发难，纵然伤不了敌人，自己却可脱身逃走。那知真气一动，胸口小腹之中立时剧痛，忍不住“啊”的一声叫了出来。她遍身受了情花之刺，先前还仗真气护身，花毒一时不致发作，这时穴道受制，真气涣散，花毒越发越猛。她胸腹奇痛，遥遥望见杨过和小龙女并肩头而来，一个是英俊潇洒的美少年，一个是娇柔婀娜的俏姑娘，眼睛一花，模模糊糊的竟看到是自己刻骨相思的意中人陆展元，另一个却是他的妻子何沅君。她冲口而出，叫道：“展元，你好狠心...

苏打绿《再遇见》： 忽然之間！ 你忽略的、我忽略的所有細節， 當初的猜疑好奇、 愛恨痴嗔 卻已希微。 忽然之間 ！ 你發現的、我發現的所有改變， 當初的微笑眼淚、喜怒哀樂都已雲煙。 而你，在離開我之後，全沒有改變； 而我，在離開你之後，就一直往前。 轉眼之間，你的世界，一步一步越離越遠， 轉身之前，看到你， 卻還依稀覺得有點可憐。 In the Buddhist teachings, the three poisons of ignorance  痴毒 , attachment 贪毒 , and aversion  嗔毒   are the primary causes that keep sentient beings trapped in samsara. 痴毒 ，是指人有迷暗之心。心性暗钝，迷惘于事理。或对事理颠倒，因果迷乱，由此引起种种烦恼。 贪毒 ，指世人引取各种事物、名分的欲望。它使人迷醉于一切顺情的境，贪取无厌。 嗔毒 ，是指人有恚忿之心。以迷心对于一切违情之境起忿怒者，恼怒打骂伤害他人。三毒中，此毒为最恶。 The three poisons are represented in the hub of the wheel of life as a pig, a bird, and a snake respectively. Of these three, ignorance is the "root poison". From ignorance, attachment and aversion arise. Some people don't bother finding out the truth before commenting. Comments are free, but facts are always sacred. 人们却往往把真理跟错误混在一起去教人，而坚持的却是错误。 盲 好過 忘 ， 目亡 好過 心亡 。

据说，巧克力像花，有属于自己的一套爱情物语。牛奶巧克力代表热恋，白巧克力象征的是浓情，心形巧克力则代表「我心属于你」。 So you know, I hate chocolates. And it is quite annoying when everyone gets chocolates for you during performances because they assumed I would like it. 最糟糕的是，人家毕竟一片心意，你还不能骂他，更不能退货，最后只好偷偷摸摸找个时候趁机把这些巧克力分掉。 Am I complaining? I'm not. 都说了是心意， "Hutang emas boleh dibayar, hutang budi dibawa mati" ，哪里好意思 complain 酱多？ I'm not simply ranting about what I like/dislike. Instead, what I am talking about is embracing diversity. 这不是一个非黑即白的世界，人与人之间的尊重不能因为意识形态的不同而有所区别。 I was brought up in a conservative, traditional Chinese way, which emphasises a lot on conforming to social norms. Which is fine, at least for the first twenty years of my life. Conformity keeps things orderly. And I like order. Okay ignore the state of my room for now, in general I like order. But what these years of university education brought me new perspectives in keeping myself open to variants, and I am grateful for it. I have alw...

千万不要沉溺以下的恶性循环：明明是害怕孤单，没有勇气过一个人的生活，有个不完美的男人来凑数了，还嫌他粗鲁没格；明明是自己依赖成性，不想改变现状，却推说环境很艰困，只好委屈地忍着。 只要自己愿意回到「以自己为人生的轴心」的立场，就可以更独立勇敢地看清楚现状，并作出明智的决定，而且有足够的意愿与能力，为自己所做的决定负责。从此，不再过渡依赖一个人、一段关系、一项职位、一种借口，也就不会和任何不愉快的情绪作困兽之斗。到最后，自己要越来越清楚地知道：「我不会跟这个人永远在一起！」「我不会跟这个工作永远在一起！」「我不会跟这个借口永远在一起！」，最终学会放下這些 罣碍 ，面对最真实的自己。 菩提萨埵，依般若波罗密多故，心无罣碍；无罣碍故，无有恐怖。 Such Hindrance.

It's over. Arts Camp 2015 is over. Will there be 2016? How about 2017? 2018? 世界既然永远充满未知，最重要的是珍惜当下。 死Freshie，一世人只有一次机会； 死Senior，倚老卖老却永远做不完。 It's the same in society. 新鲜人的新鲜感总是令人振奋，却来的快去的也快。 果然是老吾老以及人之老，幼吾幼以及人之幼啊。 Arts Camp takes an extremely special position in my NUS life because it is so different from other orientation camps out there. There is continuity, there is a spirit in it. None of the other camps I have attended has such a strong identity. I still remember the cheesy post   I wrote last year. A year has passed, people come and go, cheers change here and there, my age has increased again, but there was this ONE question, whose answer shall remain a constant: Who are we, if we have nothing that we keep close to our hearts? What do we gain, if we do not put in our efforts into what we do? Dear Bing Le, I know I lupsup. But you took me along anyway. You took on a lot of things that I did not during the camp, and yes you are a little overbeari...

It's never too late to start over. If you weren't happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don't stay stuck. Do better. 马来同胞有一句话：Banyak udang banyak garam, banyak orang banyak ragam. 虾多盐多，人多花样多。 Quoting 《1Q84》，不要被表象迷惑，现实往往只有一个。 The reason why I never get sick of Orientation Camps is because it is a place where you seek the alter ago. 小朋友反正拢不识，青菜乎林北玩嘛不要紧。 不愧是个放松心情的好时机。

16 Ways To Identify Someone Who Is “Selectively Social” by Tenzin Woesel 1. You are very frank and loud at home or when you are with your friends but you turn into a timid shy ball when you are with people you hardly know. 

2. You are the entertainer in your friends circle but you hate it when your friends expect you to entertain in front of a crowd of strangers. 

3. You are very close to just one or two friends among your friends circle. With the rest of the friends in your circle, you are comfortable being you but you are not too close. 

 4. There’s an uncertainty when you agree to keep in touch with people. There are days when you want to talk to people yet there are days when you don’t want to talk to anyone.

 5. When your friends ask you to join them for an outing, the first thing you ask is; “Who all are going?” and the answer is always, always a BIG influence on your decision. 

6. You try your best to avoid having a conversation with people and hence, you stay...

Well this is the end of Week 13, the end of the instructional period in NUS. It was indeed very daring of me to leave Singapore during this week because I think everyone knows that this week is like the MOST CHIONG week in the semester. Essays, exam hints, etc. Well I really need a break off all these shit in the little red dot . Not that the little red dot is shit, but many people (and things they do) in the red dot is shit. 全部都带赛！ Anyway, I made a couple of so-called “brave decisions” in this trip. It isn’t really “brave” per se, but I guess you won’t make the same irrational choice as me if you were in my shoes: 1. Use AirBnB I know it is a bit DUH, but you know what, 凡是都有第一次的嘛…… 林北又不是没有钱，第一次送给它咯…… It’s pretty interesting anyway, I stayed with this old couple, who told me that they too were virgins in AirBnB and I was their first guest. They picked me up from the airport. And I left my laptop in the plane. So we went back to the airport again, and back home. And then f...

一年前差不多这个时候，我写了篇有关宿舍里发生的一件事的 文章 。 事过境迁，我以为我抛开了从前的狭隘、固执，殊不知现在的自己依然顽固不化，只是体现的方式变了。 自己浑然不知，在别人眼中却一目了然。 这几天大家都在谈论老李的功过。 爱他的，说没有他，就没有新加坡今日的繁荣。 恨他的，说有了他，导致我国华文教育的没落。 信之者恒信，不信者恒不信。 对我而言，李先生最大的特点就是他的固执。他凡事敢做敢当，问之无愧，什么“打压华教”、“鼓吹精英主义”等等帽子你随便盖，他都不当一回事。 固执，其实不错吧？ 老李的固执，成就了一个繁荣的新加坡。他固执，but he has brains。 林北的固执，不知道成就了什么，只知道会让自己承受不必要的代价。 还是那句话：屁股没有那么大，就别坐那么大的椅子。 也许我还太嫩。

It's over, finally over. The holidays was a tough one, many things occurred, many things changed. There were many new discoveries, and far more surprises. The Drama/Dance Productions ended last night. It's my second attempt to appear on stage. It was a difficult journey. 英文烂、台词少、晚上累，两个多月生病三次。 The rehearsal process was..... kinda painful too. Everything was so foreign to me, but I insisted on expecting the best out of myself. Obviously, I failed. The BEST, never existed. The BEAST, probably. “每个人都有自己的梦想，”这句话其实是废话。 你妈的，谁从小没有梦想，除非你 IQ 低于 15。 我做事通常只看结果，不看过程。 我其实不管你过程有多么险峻、多么艰辛，只要达到应有的效果，你怎样做（英谚 by hook or by crook）我都不在乎。 殊不知 DP 不是你一个人在演，群体的成长才能衬托出自己的进步。 这道理我两周前才懂得，索性无伤大雅，还来得及。 公演结束，林北真的 累 了。 I don't really wanna do anything for now. For I need my personal space and time. 无论如何，马太福音第七章有云： "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured ...