The Retrocession

Tell me is it really gonna storm again? Will the skies turn dark, will the rain begin? 时间并没有抚平一切的能力，它只是将你轻巧地揉捏，使你渐渐相信，有些事真的只是年少轻狂，与爱恨无关。也使你恍然大悟，那些年所付出的努力，只是对未知世界的乞求和排解寂寞的方式，而不是拼了命去实现的梦想。

其一： 其二： To whoever assumed that I have been blocking people: I don't block people, so if you can't manage to find me, you really need to try harder. I don't see why the whole world can find me except you. Get out of your own bubble. And I hope you're not whoever you call yourself to be or else I would be really disappointed.

50 days later I would be leaving this ancient city which I really wanted to come and yet dislike at the same time. Honestly I still think that Tainan is not any different from any other small city in Mainland China (okay I might get punched for saying this but it's the honest truth) and I would still prefer to live in Singapore. Personal preference. I'm probably gonna write some dedicated posts in the next 7 weeks before I return to sunny cozy Singapore and start making money. I thought living in Canada for a month was bad enough, but it was this few months experience which make me feel that home is truly what I miss the most. Home, is not just an arbitrary physical object (aka a house/flat/condominium/angmoh chu/etc) but I view it more as an abstract term. It's the kind of familiarity that I miss: food , language , 思維方式 , climate , and many more. I would not want to trade this familiarity with anything else, no matter the price. Tainan is indeed an amazing place. Si...

Half the week has went by and...... I guess the exams are over? Which isn't really the point. Hahaha. Exam only, not like I'll ever fail. Gonna attend dance competition on Sunday and I'm excited I guess? After all everything I am doing in Taiwan now kinda exceeded my expectations, since I told myself to come here with minimal expectations. No one (myself included) would ever expect me to be doing dance, something which I never ever done before. Well, sometimes we need to leave the comfort zone, although the comfort zone is always more comfortable. 50  more days of nonsense here before I go home. I guess I would miss this place, but of course home is always better. 其實寫了一堆幹話，不知道要寫些什麽，應該是喝多了吧。

曾几何时，命运里身份的对调显得如此荒唐、可笑。自己始终不愿面对的问题，终究还是得靠自己才能寻得破解。爱一个人须秉持着一颗无私的心，心甘情愿默求其福祉而不惜回报。说是容易，自己非要经历这番考验却也非易事。 现今许多感情中充斥着权谍、金钱、利益， “谁爱多了” 、 “谁不够爱” 、 “谁赚到” 、 “谁背信弃义” 等等乱七八糟的是非。能够得到一份倾心的付出实属不易，两人能惺惺相惜更似缘木求鱼，即便日后无法修成正果，仍不枉此生也。 有时候人喜欢自我怜悯，经常嗟叹自己生不逢时或责难自己，殊不知这所谓之 缘分 本来就与付出和信念呈不对等的关系。事实也证明了， 有心，足矣。 莫忘 是谁，风里雨里一直默默守护在原地。

Suddenly I feel so tiny in this gigantic world which seems to be devouring everything that I have (or wished that I have). It really feels miserable knowing that things have stopped going the way I wanted them to be and its end is nowhere near sight. It's only at moments like this when I realise that I am nobody. Yeah surely I like to behave like some boss everywhere I go but honestly, I am NOBODY. No one owes me a living. All those "toughness" that I give is just a façade to conceal that inner weakness and immaturity of the heart, that I cannot take "no" for answers. At the end of the day, who am I? Why should people bother about me? Amongst the 8 billion people we have on this Earth, what difference would I make? Killing oneself shouldn't be a solution. But in times like this it has become a way to run away from all the problems that you face--there is no point solving them when more comes your way. Fear not, I have not amassed enough bravery to conduct su...

Got myself a couple of surprises in Taiwan. 1. Kena typhoon. Damn suey? News said that it was the strongest in X years, but honestly I didn't feel anything, and we got a day off for it. Went to Kaohsiung to find some friends, and visited the ancient Tainan city myself. And the best part, I found out that the Confucius Procession will be held on 28 Sep at 4am. SEE YOU THERE, CONFUCIUS. 2. CCA Fair. I guess I am joining their Dragon Boat team? No choice, I really need to beef up, Singaporeans cannot lose out to the Taiwanese. Especially when the teachers are not exactly very sensitive. 3. The Teachers in the Political Science Department. Not all teachers are like that, but some always ask, "Oh you come from Singapore, how does it feel like to be living in a extremely authoritarian regime?" I really don't know what to say. I just felt like punching them because....... that is simply not a very nice thing to say to a foreigner. Democracy is definitel...

Came across a new song in the gym today: 《你甘攏袂不甘》 那會酒後的心聲　在傷心的酒店 轉頭是落雨聲　落到繁華攏是夢 望春風的那天　我愛到才知痛 雨夜花雪中紅　攏是命中註定 愛到無命不知驚 猶原是孤孤單單一個人 想你的心　這呢痛 等無聲　找無人　 我是欲安怎 猶原是空空夢夢一個人 想你的心　這歹款 不甘願　不甘放 不甘到這陣嘟散 你甘攏袂不甘 Still picking up the pieces, it's gonna be a long process. What to do? Life carries on. I need my friends.

A long day after back to back lectures. The lectures in Taiwan are uberrrrrrrr long, like 3 hours, with minimal breaks. So for Tuesdays, my schedule is lectures after lectures from 10am till 5pm. 7 hours, without lunch, because apparently there is no canteen in the campus. Hohohoho. But it's okay, I guess I'll just have make do with this. Anyway I am still rushing my Bahasa Indonesia report (the embassy, known as KBRI, is rushing me for it already) and while typing I was forced to recollect all the food I ate in Indonesia. I have to say that although people keep saying that Taiwan is 美食天堂 (which I always frown, because SEA is obviously better, hello...?) it's really just the street food that is amazing. At the end of the day Taiwanese people still eat Chinese food at home, i.e. rice, noodles, mantou, etc. It's really a lack of variety that bores me after two weeks, and I miss sambal. I guess I can't find any of this in Tainan for the next 18 weeks. Today is t...

劲草折腰为荷痛 春风喜雨有杏生 I know I complain a lot, but I am starting to like this city. Honestly this city has nothing much to offer me--it's boring, it's quiet, it's slow. It's really different from home, but that's the fun part of it. Today I had some amazing gyoza and soba at some roadside stall. 手工的面条真的很嫩，冰凉爽口 (yes they cook the noodles on the spot and soak them in ice water)，饺子馅含有虾肉和猪肉，不仅口感不腻味道也很香。 This is probably my longest meal ever because I sat down and waited for my food for at least half an hour, something which I would never ever do in busy Singapore. Guess what, I told myself 我有的是时间 and just sat there and chilled. Okay I did talk to the shopkeeper a bit lah, but spent most of the time thinking about what I would wanna do in Tainan. Like legit deep planning, since I am already here and have adequate resources to know what this old city has to offer. Many people would assume that I chose Tainan as my destination because 1. it's Chinese-...

It’s been slightly more than a week that I arrived in Taiwan. I have always been looking forward to doing my exchange here, but as the time come closer my excitement starts to drop. I have to say that I miss home (or at least I knew I would miss home). There are to many things back home that I took for granted. Arriving in Taiwan wasn’t a smooth one . It was raining heavily, and I had to make multiple transfers on the bus and trains before reaching my destination, National Cheng Kung University in Tainan, only to realise that the bed has no mattress. No big deal lah actually, I sometimes sleep on the table back in Hall too, but it is a reminder that things are just too convenient back in Singapore. I visited the farm yesterday. Rice fields, to be exact. 我喜欢这样的生活，贴近土地，贴近自我。农耕社会发展到都市化的今天，失去的便是在地的浓浓人情味。生活步伐加快，我们无从知晓明天的安排会是如何，但是在乡村，日日夜夜年年都是如此平和稳定。这种追求安稳和简单的心态，恐怕是对我的空虚和浮躁的一种回应吧。 你還是住在我的回憶裡 不出來 讓我們微笑離開 讓故事留下來 放手後 愛依然在 雪融了 就應該花開 緣若盡了 就不該再重來 内心有许多心结放不下，自己却不愿意（抑或是不敢）去面对。所有的问题都...

Quoted from Mayday: 「因為相遇那天，所以總有一天。 如果我們不曾相遇，我唱我的歌、你過你的日子； 各自擁有83%或91%程度滿足的人生，不會有任何遺憾 ——從來不知道缺少了什麼，怎麼會有遺憾呢？ 直到偶然開始運轉、巧合持續發生，穿越言不及義的人群、終於相遇； 那些不可思議、那些難以解釋，也許都是一只蝴蝶動心起念的效應。 一天24小時中、一天86400秒中， 上一秒鐘不能複製貼上，這一分鐘無法另存新檔； 不能把過去的運氣，儲存到未來的場景。 那是再平常不過的一天，值得一提的只有和你相遇。 如果我們不曾相遇，就不會看見分離的長相； 如果我們不曾相識，就不會知道遺憾的重量； 至少這一次，讓我們完整彼此一次。 」 As we always say Maaf Zahir dan Batin during Hari Raya Puasa, what we really seek is not just a simple gesture of forgiveness and confession, but also the gratitude of knowing each other, from the inside (batin) and the outside (zahir), literally. Syamsul Yangs（@angbinmarist）張貼的相片 於 2016 年 3月 月 18 6:22上午 PDT 張貼 A word is too much if there is no seeing eye to eye. 但是即便如此，人们相遇本身就是奇迹，分离只是未完待续。 Once in a lifetime indeed, but there is only one lifetime.

Do you honestly know what you are saying. Like honestly. 也許我會忘記　也許會更想妳　也許已沒有也許。

This is a little story that I want to share. Not really to haolian , but just for everyone to know the importance of being able to think out of the box . So I was buying BBQ items at Sheng Siong with a couple of friends in Hall. When we checked out with our items we met the CEO of the company, Mr Lim. Why, he was a really nice man! There were weird customers with weird demands but he took it with humility anyway. Really the kind of Chinese-educated entrepreneur that you would imagine. (Not saying the English-educated ones are not nice, but really if you compare trends, they do behave differently.) So this Mr Lim said that if we have any community projects we can look for him. There is indeed a fundraising event coming up and all I could find on their website was contact@whatevercannottrmb.com. Which I am really not too sure if it will go anywhere beyond the Customer Service Dept. So I did something really unconventional . I wrote a letter . In Chinese. On an NUS F...

Another new year of disappointments, surprises, betrayals and friendships. And it's the season of Inter-Hall Games. Never wanted to win as badly as this year. Many told me to just let it go and move on. 但有一個夢　不會死　記著吧 來自你我的心　記著吧 明天会更好。