I love my world, not just its sights and sounds.

Have been breaking too many hearts. People, just stay away from me. I think I am getting weirder and weirder. I have been getting weirder and weirder dreams, and I think I am really gonna do something silly someday. Perhaps this is too much stress to me. Or perhaps that’s because I listen to too much emo songs at night. Or maybe it’s due to this damn hot weather.

I just think I am damn useless. Like I can’t do a simple vectors sum. I can’t complete an AQ. People do not have enough time to finish an exam; I have too much time, because I have nothing to write. Getting 0 percentiles for a subject that I am not good at. And getting another 0% for a subject that I am pretty confident at. 到底是我辜负了世界,还是世界对不起我?Of course this seems nonsensical, 千错万错,当然是自己的错啦。他妈的路是自己选的,要埋怨谁?

For my friends, I love/need/admire/care for/concern about/miss you guys very very much. You guys have always been the one and only centre of my world. And you guys take up a much more important role and position in my life than anyone/anything else. Without you guys, my life is without color. No, it’s like fish without water. I am very apologetic if I had brought you guys any inconvenience (I am sure there is), hope you guys don’t put it at heart.  Most of the time I don’t really mean it, and if you guys have observed I am really lousy at rejecting people, so please don’t get offended ok?

Then for my dearest respectful teachers. A very big thank you. There is this Chinese saying, 一日为师终身为父. Teachers you all are just like my parents, always being helpful and caring (ok lah most teachers), it isn’t easy to withstand all those shit from me you know. Must have driven you mad many many times. 小孩子一时兴奋口无遮拦,歹势啦。Next time if got chance I let you scold lah.

Then my dear roommate. Even though I really cannot stand your ego-ness, I still must 佩服 your style of working. You are clever enough, just that very insensitive sometimes lah.  我不怪你啦,in fact I don’t think I 怪 anyone before lor,呵呵。你还是好好读书,以后回大马打拼,毕竟哪里是你真正的家乡,whether you like or not。我出身外地都这么爱国了,你生于斯长于斯,自然爱国程度应该比我高一截吧?Wish you good luck next year for YOUR A Levels. And don’t miss me ‘cos you will get a better roommate next year. Or least someone who doesn’t spam annoying Hokkien songs at night bah.

Finally my 老父老母. I doubt you will see this here, but if you really do, I would like to say that I haven’t been a very good son, as you can see. Too independent le lah, and too selfless for you all le. I just read today in my 《论语》 that Confucius said, "事父母几谏,见志不从,又敬不违,劳而不怨。”Sorry my 志 is really everywhere and I am not emotionally to home at all. Don’t blame yourselves because this is a path that I chose myself. Or rather this is my fate lah. Pa and Ma you can put your hopes on Brother. He is smart intelligent with a tint of insolence and indolence. He still small, can change one lah. Not like me no hope le. He still got a bright future ahead of him.

Okay the above can constitute as my will, if suddenly the fan drop and chop off my head or accidentally I left my hand in the microwave oven. Anyway it’s okay. What’s the point of keeping a hand that is useless because the useless doesn’t bring it to good use?!

Okay suddenly I feel the need to personalise my wills to certain people, ‘cos we get along better than other usual ones and you guys are always on my side when I got stuff going on. Shall save it till some other day. Unless really I so suey kena hit by lightning while walking from NJ to NJ Boarding School.
Congratulations to Norman Lee from 08S04 for attaining Mr Congenialty. Told you “there’s a will, there’s a way!”

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