The Retrocession

You realise my life is basically just Eusoff Hall right? And a bit of school. 所以2017年，我真的需要感谢你吗？ 1. I returned from exchange in Tainan. It was a shithole no doubt, and landed me with really bad 扁桃腺炎 (tonsillitis, where your tonsils gets really rotten and you see yellow shit at the back of your throat). I was so sick of the place that I took the immediate flight back to Singapore in the afternoon after my morning finals paper. Tough life. Okay lah the grades not bad. After all it is supposed to be SU but I am glad I put in enough effort. What to do, the Taiwanese think that Singaporeans are damn perfect so I really need to prove them right. 累死林北了啦。 2. And I didn’t know I can play music. Hahaha. [Okay warning, allow me to haolian a bit can.] So… I tried A Cappella and did a little gig at NJC Talentime this year. Really scary but fun. Okay lah I talk a lot of rubbish but my balls shrink when it comes to 大场面 like this. 3. I ran for Eusoff JCRC P...

Today marks the end of Year 6 Semester 1. In summary, this semester was a bad one. Timing-wise. Too many things to do, too little time. The only compromise is therefore, sleep. 是啦，睡眠真的不是很重要。 试想想，你家阿公阿嬷每天不是都睡到饱咯，再之后躺进棺材里睡到不用起来了？ 平常是这样讲啦，不过现实是……林北真的老了。 但是我不服老，所以现在开始积极运动，想要寻回当兵时候的feel。 Was expecting a lof things to be done this vacation but now it seems that there isn’t really anything much. Perhaps it’s time for me to finally do something about personal development. I felt that all these while I have been developing other people hahahahaha I really need to pamper myself. 好好犒赏一下自己，下学期才有更远的路。 It wasn’t a problem until you made it one.

Life can be better without you yo. 我　只想要一個人安安穩穩過生活 你我不用再聯絡 請別打擾我讓我這樣解脫 Submission at 2pm, now it's 3am. 11 hours, 800 words with footnotes. Chao ahbeng says No Fear! Okay back to work!

P erseverence Estate is a plantation somewhere around Geylang to Ubi area today, and they grew lemon grass (aka citronella), owned by the Alsagoff family. Okay whatever, not very important haha. I’ve been going on into late nights almost every night for the past month, it really isn’t easy trying to manage so many things, from family to school to Hall to work to grassroots to a lot more stuff. When I look back decades later I would probably kneel down and cry and be in awe at what I have been doing. There are bound to be setbacks to whatever we do in life. Contrary to popular belief, I also have times where I feel dejected, where I need encouragement. It is not easy to keep that positive outlook all the time (as much as I like to whine and stuff, I aim to change the things I don’t like and that’s why I never ever whine about things that can’t be changed, like the weather). In 1998 (I was Primary 2, what an old man indeed!) I watched this film at home called Money No Enough 《钱不够用》 . I...

Still trying to come to terms with myself, which is honestly a very difficult job. In this life I have let so many people down, I think there is no motivation for me to go anywhere else. I cannot forget the things that I want to, yet I cannot keep those that I yearn. 锦瑟无端五十弦，一弦一柱思华年。 庄生晓梦迷蝴蝶，望帝春心托杜鹃。 沧海月明珠有泪，蓝田日暖玉生烟。 此情可待成追忆，只是当时已惘然。 Perhaps I am not as good as what you guys think, after all. I'm also human.

It is good to be ambitious, but without determination, ambitions are just like rainbows--phoof they go. 昙花一现的激情并不能带来承诺，反之而来的是空虚与迷茫。

Just completed some DISC test organised by the school. Turns out that I am an I. I means Influence. Oh well, expected isn't it? "You tend to have an extensive network of friends and colleagues, and you may view a roomful of strangers as a fun opportunity to connect." "At times, your talkative nature may cause you to monopolise conversations, particularly with those who are more soft-spoken." "You tend to be accepting of new people and ideas. As a result, when other people offer their opinions, you're often reluctant to give negative feedback." "In conflict, you may be inclined to brush any unpleasantness under the rug for as long as possible. However, if your anger, frustration, or hurt reaches a breaking point, you may lash out emotionally or say things you later regret. While such venting may feel therapeutic, you may not realise that emotions of this magnitude can make other people extremely uncomfortable." How apt isn...

Sometimes I am really shocked at how efficient I am, given the fact that I am a hoarder. I like hoard work for myself, because: 1. I don't trust people 2. I think I know best 3. I seem damn free 4. I try to impress people 5. I don't go hell, then who go hell? To answer for those reasons on top: 1. 宁可人负我，不可我负人 2. When it comes to saving money, it's always “省省省，mother 最棒”, because mother knows best. So do I. 3. Actually I damn busy but...... God has his provisions for me all the time 4. Because I am a perfectionist and I get really upset if things don't hit my expectations. 5. I am your saviour, bitches. Obviously this is only the start and will not be a smooth-sailing one, especially since my objective this year is about fixing people's heart. Harmony. 当你还没开始就知道自己会输，可是你依然要去做。 （他妈的就是一意孤行） 而且无论如何都要把它坚持到底，你虽然很少会赢，但是有时仍会。 （也就是抱着百折不挠的精神孤注一掷？） （其实就是神经病） Which explains why KMT gave up in Kaohsiung. The incumbent party is now so confident that...

Kinda miss Singapore badly and wanted to go back to work. The workaholic self is just burning-- I can't keep still ! Be it being a financial advisor or being the President of the JCRC in Hall, I just like the feeling of being busy, like it keeps me on the ball and probably makes me feel more meaningful. Being busy means I have no time for meals. Which is true. Well I don't really like to eat and talk business so usually I try not to have proper meals with them. AND I like to have back-to-back appointments. Which means, yes my breakfast can begin as late as 8pm. What to do, eat on the bus lor. Hahahaha. McDonald's is unhealthy but probably the easiest thing you can eat on the bus? And the bus is the only place which I can take a power nap between appointments? I really need to buy a car soon. Came across a post about late Malay movie director/actor/producer Tan Sri P. Ramlee on Roots.sg just now and it triggered my memories of him, after being "forced...

Kalau lu menumpukan kepada mendapatkan gaji, lu akan mendapatkan gadis. Kalau lu menumpukan kepada badanmu, lu akan mendapatkan seks. Kalau lu menumpukan kepada gadis, lu akan mendapatkan sakit hati dan kekecewaan saja. 听了这三句酒后真言，顿时醍醐灌顶， 说来悲烈，却又几分事实。 三千世界　常世之闇 　嘆ク唄モ聞コエナイヨ。

Okay, I think it's time for brief summary of what is going on the past month. In a nutshell, I became very very busy. Like 活该 right? I guess you could say I deserved it . I really am. But the difference between you and me is, I don't complain. Written by Dale Carnegie, a super solid book, worth a read if you want to be a better person, and I assume that without this book I would have been a bigger asshole than I really am now. Okay maybe there are times where people are really doing stupid things and not listening at all, and it gets a little frustrating, but according to Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People , don't criticise, condemn, or complain because it will never result in the behavior we desire. Criticisms, condemnations or complaints most of the time come from emotions. As we put it in Malay: Ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa, ikut mata leta.  [To follow the heart is to die, To follow the emotions is to perish, To foll...

Stressful days ahead and I guess I wouldn't be here for quite some time. But it's okay. 心若相知，无言也默契。 只可惜话不投机，结果半句都他妈嫌多。

People always say how precious life is and I don't think anyone would doubt that. After all, no amount of money can create life for you. However, it is only today that I found out how easy it is for one to lose his life and how small and helpless we could be when that happens. 一直以来都听别人说生命有多么可贵、短暂，但是直到今日自己亲眼目睹生离死别的场面，才了解这些话不仅是事实，更凸显我们的卑微。 It was difficult accepting the fact that someone whom I was speaking to (and disturbing) barely half a year ago could have changed so much in her battle against cancer. It was a shock to me when I saw her; I couldn't bear to look at her. It was painful to see someone else in pain, especially so for someone whom you knew. I returned to office a quiet man. I guess it was that sense of sympathy I have in me that made me a person with a soft heart (albeit with crude mannerisms) and I really didn't like to see people suffer in vain. That was one of the reasons why I joined the financial advisory industry--to bring value to people's liv...

Two things happened yesterday. One, I was walking along the corridor at 6.59am when suddenly the lights went off. Well, it's 7am. But it's dark and I can't really see the way. Still, I had to walk along this messy corridor in darkness to reach the stairs so that I could go to work on time. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, DON'T LET ANYTHING STOP YOU. Two, I went to Coffee Bean to buy some mocha drink, but she gave me a Double Chocolate for some reason. As you know, I HATE CHOCOLATE. But I drank it anyway. And surprisingly, chocolate doesn't taste that bad when cold. SOMETIMES IN LIFE, SHIT HAPPENS. EMBRACE IT BECAUSE THE SHIT MUST JUST TURN OUT GOOD ANYWAY.

If there is one thing that I need to improve that will be my ability to not give in to pressures. Well it's nice trying to be friends with everyone but you know it's impossible, so why bother? And the same time when it comes to difficult things (like essays for example, I am dying now at 5am and taking a nap first) I tend to give up easily. I guess that's how I left architecture because I wasn't firm enough in whatever I believed in. Okay whatever. I'm gonna take a short nap till 7am and continue work from there. Good night. 向來緣淺，奈何情深， 既然琴瑟起，何以笙簫默？

那是種驕傲陽光的灑脫 白雲從我腳下掠過 乾枯的身影憔悴的面容 揮著翅膀不再回頭 縱然帶著永遠的傷口 至少我還擁有自由 Originally wanted to write some reflections and thoughts on whatever I went through in 2016 after all those 激情 during countdown just now, but then decided against it during shower. What's the point of spreading all those negativities in life? 還是惦惦自己回去當個爛好人、工具人較爲實際， 新年快樂。