The Retrocession

It's been a while since I am here. Two months of school sure has been very strenuous on me indeed. But it's okay I am surviving well. Many friends around me seem to have relationship difficulties these days. When I look at them I always thought about my own experience (note, it's singular , contrary to popular belief haha) more than two years ago. It was a difficult time for me, simply because I was inexperienced. I thought I had put all my effort into maintaining the relationship. Apparently She harboured other thoughts, which I didn't take into account, perhaps I was too naive and unrealistic. My Love by Hebe In June 2012 I wrote an article, and I think it still holds true today. Would like to share with you guys: 分手的理由千百种，只要其中有一方并不想分开，或没有被善待，任何原因都会被归纳为最烂的理由。例如： “我们个性不适合！” “我发觉自己配不上你！” “你会碰到更好的人！” “我的能力不够，无法给你幸福！” …… 以上听起来的确像是借口，但至少它不伤人，比起 “我从来没有爱过你！” 这个理由，要温和很多。  面对分手的残酷时刻，因为依依不舍而伤心难过的人，往往都忘了：当初开始相爱的时候，往往没有任何理由，就只是很单纯的喜欢而已。分手，其实也不需要任何理由，就只是很单纯的不爱了啊。若...

Today marks the end of my series of crazy events this summer holidays. I don't really know how to put it, but I am really having mixed feelings about it. A month-long trip to Israel, a series of orientation camps, Rag and Flag, and external commitments have gnawed up my life. I have simply no time left for all my friends, family and my loved one; at some point of time I was really about to break down. It wasn't about my lack of ability. It was the problem of not having enough time for everything. It seemed that everything I did this holidays was diluted work--a cup of Milo Dinosaur becoming 5 cups of Milo with half a cup of ice. I don't really regret my decisions, but for once if I were given the choice to choose again, I wouldn't have taken up so many diiferent commitments. I feel very passionate indeed, but now to think of it, it was actually very selfish of me to do so. While I get the "fun" and "kick" of occupying so many different posts,...

Camp laojiao simply means that I have attended many camps. I may have a lot of experience in doing camps, but this Arts Camp gave me not just 5 days of thrill; it's a spirit that probably would last for my lifetime. I left for Israel for a month after my finals, and I've only met my S1 OGL Chun Aik once for like.... 5 mins? The very next time we met was the night before the camp where I see so many new faces and chant unknown cheers. The Hokkien cheers are really simple but those English ones were simply tongue-twisters to this foreign tongue. It was kinda awkward at first, I have to admit. All the councillors and OGLs are younger than me and were much more 斯文 than me. I really doubted my ability to be able to mingle with them. Would they judge me because I left Archi? Would they feel that I 倚老卖老 when it comes to bonding and cheering? Would they make me do all the saikang? It turns out that this team of S1 "seniors" are as fun and chatty as I do. Okay...

I made a crazy decision last summer (go click on the link if you don't know what I'm talking about). And I have to say, I am not regretting it. Okay, I never regret anything. But it has indeed a good choice, not because I can get better grades (though it keeps me very happy indeed), but because I can chase a dream. Since young I loved things related to the humanities: History, Geography, Politics, Arts. Minus literature. It came upon me when I entered in to JC, "Study Arts got future meh." So I went took Science stream, PCM + China Studies. Guess what happened. 0 percentile, 26/100, U everywhere. Okay lah. 不是学校的错啦，自己无心向学罢了。 没有后悔啦，因为学了很多别的。 So I was in Archi. This time round not 无心向学, but 有心无力. No one was teaching me anything. And I can't understand what is going on. Perhaps I couldn't think out of the box, but whatever I think was kinda farfetched too. I thought I could put my heritage knowledge to good use. But I guess I wasn't wh...

Wonder how many people actually blog (and read blogs) these days, but just felt the urge of doing so suddenly. I was looking at someone's blog and saw her (hint hint, actually you know who you are) rather happy life. For once, I felt so H A P P Y for her. Perhaps that's true friendship . Like I never felt this way before. When I saw her pictures I actually hoped wished that she has been enjoying her life, and for once I didn't have a single tinge of jealousy . No I'm not, at all. [To this friend, please take care of yourself okay! Although I don't see you all the time I would love knowing that you have a great life and as a friend I really really really wish the BEST for you. Pardon my English my vocab is limited but I doubt you'd have understood my Chinese anyway!] I was surprised too. I guess I have matured once again. What people call metamorphosis, which is meant for 6-legged creatures, so I'll use the Chinese term instead, 蜕变 . Sounds nicer anywa...

I felt so ashamed at myself when I realised my mistake: to laugh at Malaysia using bomohs to located the missing aeroplane. MH370 that is. In a modern society today we would find it amusing that our neighbours up north was not able to find an aeroplane after days of search and need to resort to spiritual means. Many, including myself, would find it a mockery. I was doing my essay, on some colonisation issues and was focusing on the history of British Malaya. Malaya in those days was a land of abundance, almost like paradise. One may even argue that the people then enjoyed more freedom than they had today in Malaysia, too. It led me to think of the development of cultures in the Malay Peninsula. Bomohs are a form of shamanism. It entails a cultural identity to the Malays, mostly the traditional ones. Of course many say that bomohs are un-Islamic, but then again they existed before the arrival of the religion, and transformed along with it. Instead of mocking at our broth...

生活里会遇到很多不公的事情，也会遇到很多让你无法接受的人。 与其抱怨别人没有给予我，不如我先多多给予人； 与其抱怨诚信缺失，不如播撒诚信； 与其抱怨人情淡薄，不如散发热情； 与其抱怨善良缺失，不如播下善种。 与其抱怨， 不如行动； 与其言教， 不如身行。

This post is on personal choice. Choice of lifeform. I came across this serial drama a few months ago, called 天與地. They've got this song called 《年少無知》, which I thought had resonated well with what's going on in our minds: 作曲：黃貫中 填詞：林若寧 如果　命運能選擇　十字街口你我踏出的每步更瀟灑 如果　活著能坦白　舊日所相信價值不必接受時代的糟蹋 年少多好　頑劣多好 不甘安於封建制度裡　迷信上街真理會達到 旗幟高舉　群眾聲討 不惜犧牲一切去上訴　權貴的想法太俗套 只可惜生活是一堆挫折　只可惜生命是必須妥協 年少多好　貧困多好 一蚊積蓄足以快樂到　廉價結他抒發我暴躁 財富得到　年歲不保 捐輸不必講究有回報　人世間總會有異數 只可惜生活是一聲發洩　只可惜生命是一聲抱歉　怕追討 如果　命運能選擇　十字街口你我踏出的每步更瀟灑 如果　活著能坦白　舊日所相信價值不必接受時代的糟蹋 年少多好　朋友多好 一番爭執不會有被告　遊戲競爭不會記入腦 年歲增長　無法修補 青春的詩總會老　時間多恐怖 如果　命運能選擇　十字街口你我踏出的每步無用困惑 如果　活著能坦白　舊日所相信價值今天發現還未老 如果　命運能演習　現實中不致接納一生每步殘酷抉擇 留守　過去的想法　我會否好像這樣生於世上無目的鞭撻 Right now, we are at crossroads of our lives. 20-odd years born onto Earth but still wanna be fed. And yet we want to be fed in such a way that makes us seem independent. We are simply spoilt for choice. Everyone wants change, but where is the courage (a nice way to put it, instead of "BALLS...