The Retrocession

I learnt a new word today. Yeah even I learn new Chinese words everyday. It's called 矯情 . 有點做作的感覺。 一段愛情，兩人之間不會永遠總是轟轟烈烈。這樣，太累了。 充滿互相了解、互相包容、互相尊重、互相信任，才能長久 對於滿嘴會說、甚至是甜言蜜語 真的不如用默默用行動表達。 表達的意涵反而是簡單而真誠的。 媽的 曾幾何時自己變成了philosopher。

My life after ORD has been pretty mundane. Mediocre, that is to say. Thinking about the places I have been, I used to go Orchard Rd every week at least. I haven't been for there for 3 weeks already. Places that I now travel to often: Lavender. Hougang. Clementi. And especially Woodlands. Rotting my ass teaching tuition at Woodlands for long hours. Money is tough to earn man. And Woodlands Interchange isn't very well-maintained. There's dust like everywhere. Just to share what my boss said when I left the Force: 武装部队教我的，远超过我所能奉献的。 人际关系、应变能力、上下级关系，都是日后在工作中所需要的。 Commanders' Coin and LOC. This sounds kinda cliche, likes you hear on 红星大奖. But it's true that achievements are built up because of cooperations. I had understanding bosses who gave me chances and opportunities whenever they could. I had cooperating peers and comrades. I had great instructors who taught me a lot of skills. I had a lot of luck. And I had the motivation and faith in mys...

You know things will never be same, even if you learn from your mistakes. It is not like taking an examination, where you make a mistake, learn from it and get it right the next time. The girl that you're dealing with WILL be different. Of course everything is a learning experience. Too bad I have to handle this the hard way. I'm not complaining. This relationship will come to an end sooner or later. I became paranoid, while you couldn't give me the assurances I need. We just have to put ourselves in each other's shoes and think. And forgive each other. If one day we ever meet again, please drop by and say a Hi. Because I miss you . Till then, I wish you all the best in your studies and dreams. And I'll pray for you. For the Lord's unfailing love is with us, anytime, everytime . Hope you'll see the change in me, and I'll see it in yours. I shall leave the rest to fate. Take care, God bless.

Yeah, so I'm in Kowloon right now. Haven't been here since 1997. How do I feel about this place today? 脏乱 。 Not a really good impression for the City area, but elsewhere it's just like Singapore. Went to this place called Tung Chung and bought loads of clothes. So happy and satiated! First time use iPhone write blog, I wonder what will happen. Hmmmmm. My ribbon always get it the way. Hmph. And I kept thinking of you, because of all the things you have told me before. Fishballs. Mangoes. 7-Elevens. You are really mean to treat me like this now.

跟中孝介一样，疗愈系歌手吧。

Went into frenzy mode again today. When I enter frenzy mode my mind starts to wander everywhere again and thousands of "WHAT IF"s ran helter-skelter inside. It's no longer important to know who is at fault. It definitely takes two to tango. What saddens me is the fact that how things could have changed, so fast. And the fact that I should have been more firm on my principles. I should just voice out what I didn't like, instead of keeping quiet. I can behave like some jerk and hooligan in school, but in relationships I am a total ZERO. Yeah sure it is a learning process, albeit a painful and reluctant one. Come on lah, of all ways to learn, LIKE THIS? March must have been a terrible month for me. Usually it's August and September. The worst thing is, I don't have anyone to help me. Anyone that knows what is going on, that is. I've already lost my ability to differentiate what is right and what  isn't. I came to be suspicious easily because...

I chose this path. And I'm left with the pieces, I assume? This is bare cruelty, leaving without a word. It's something that I'll never bring myself to do. Yet it happened upon me. Nope, I'm not victimising myself. I can only have myself to blame.

一隻蝴蝶有多鮮豔 能不能飛越過 猜忌和冷漠 世界 給你的簡訊和留言 說不清萬分之一追悔 Times have changed. Indeed.

Plato said that humans were created with four legs, four arms, and a head with two faces. Zeus, fearing their power, split them into 2 separate beings, condemning their lives in search of their other half. 欢乐趣，离别苦， 就中更有痴儿女。 Seriously, whatever 海誓山盟 there are, 全是仙小孩子的。 There is no such thing as eternity. The moment when you lose the momentum, you have reached the end.

Books are awesome things! During the Song Dynasty, Emperor Zhenzong 宋真宗 said: 富家不用买良田， 书中自有千钟粟。 安居不用架高楼， 书中自有黄金屋。 娶妻莫恨无良媒， 书中自有颜如玉。 出门莫恨无人随， 书中车马多如簇。 男儿欲遂平生志， 五经勤向窗前读。 Recently I'm packing my house. Got a lot of books at home. I have to admit that I am a book-lover; I used to save money on books. Maybe that's why I ended up like an anorexic. Hahahaha. But  books really give you knowledge. And Knowledge = Power. Well, I can survive without studying, but I can't survive without reading. When I was really young I read the 三字经 . No, not the KNN CCB kind of 三字经, but the REAL one. The one that went 人之初 性本善 and most people just end there. I remember this phrase 人不学 非所宜 幼不学 老何为 . It means if you don't learn when you're young, what are you gonna do when you  turn old? For me, I definitely don't wanna spend my remaining years at the Kopitiam stirring Kopi-O every morning with a bunch of old chaps. Please, no. Anyway I have a weird variety ...

耶和華是我的牧者，我必不致缺乏。 (Psalms 23:1) One side of me didn't want to hide, instead I should be brave to move on with it, because it isn't the end of the world. The other side tells me to erase everything from my mind, treat everything as if nothing had happened before, and then move on, because they are memories that leads to sorrow. Tell me, O Lord, tell me, what I should do? Embrace the unglorious past, or start a totally new life? 走一条我不会惋惜的路？ 我知道我主与我 同在 。

And so, I'm going to Hong Kong (hopefully can catch a ride to Macau too) on the 11th with Minghui and Vicki. So excited for it, because the last time I went to Hong Kong was like, 1997? And the memories back then weren't good, I remembered that there were rats running around the roads and stuff. Went  to Paul's Church yesterday. It was really an amazing experience. I was able to put down everything, literally. My shoulders felt soft, for once, after Rev Ivan touched them and shared with me about God. Amen. I'd be there to stay. It'll take time to heal and repent at the same time. Hope this day comes sooner.