The Retrocession

I need to take a break. Probably going somewhere out of the sunny island. Going somewhere that isn't as sunny. And less likely to bring memories of any sort. It's not easy to find someone who can sing along with Il Divo, but Celine Dion did it splendidly. The song is featured in the 2006 FIFA World Cup album (hah I got buy that's why I know hehheh) Lonely, the path you have chosen A restless road, no turning back One day you will find your light again Don't you know Don't let go be strong Follow your heart Let your love lead through the darkness Back to a place you once knew I believe, I believe, I believe in you Follow your dreams Be yourself, an angel of kindness There's nothing that you cannot do I believe, I believe, I believe in you Tout seul (Alone) Tu t'en iras tout seul (You will go alone) Cœur ouvert (With an open heart) A l'univers (To the world) Poursuis ta quête (Achieve your quest) Sans...

究竟要说什么呢，半夜三更不睡觉已经成为生活常态了，以后去 uni 了要怎么办呢……？ 时光，仿佛被偷了一般，而且找妈打也没有用。 要怪，就怪自己没有用。 我生待明日，万事成蹉跎。

Click to enlarge. Sometimes, I realise feel that I learnt a lot of relevant stuff from the SAF. For example, the art of 移花接木 . Just for laughs. Haha.

Watched a new movie today with Li Ming, called Salmon Fishing in the Yemen . It's a really good movie, with an interesting plot and of course, some food for thought. Which rang a bell in me. Literally. It made me realise how I took things for granted. How we lacked that faith in ourselves. Faith in others. Faith in the world basically. That we need sincerity, like being ikhlas , in Malay. No use repeating whatever had already happened. Tengok hadapan lah. Twenty years old, but EQ of a kid. No way is this gonna work. I always thought in the shoes of others and that brought me through 20 years of my life. Then suddenly I lost the ability to do so. Greed and selfishness it must be; It's either I change now, or I'll never change. The fishing-maniac Sheikh Muhammad had this crazy idea of introducing salmon into his deserts. Alfred Jones, the scientist from the Department of Fisheries thought it was mad totally, but was forced into leading the project. He me...

I guess this is a fresh chapter of life. I really can't look positively at it. Being a perfectionist can be harsh on the  self at times. You know the meaning of 功亏一篑 or 前功尽弃? Right, that's what I am feeling right now. Shall look for distractions in life. But it's hard. Like everywhere I go there will memories that we share. I know we can't go back. But there's always  tomorrow. Something that  I can  forward to. So right now, I'll just go back  to  my old days, loafing around and waiting  for university to start. Sacrifices and compromises don't work all the time. They just give you excuses for things that go wrong. I would die to go back to the Army, 做单纯的自己。

诸郎君， It's over. Time for a new start in life. 我是不会放弃的。

This week is a roller coaster ride for me. I'm pretty sure. I went to run today. A LONG LONG RUN. Keeps me motivated for life. Distracts me from nonsense in life. And also training for AHM, coming soon in September, which I am pretty sure I'll be called back to run for the Signals. Ran through a lot of places today, from Simei all the way to town, and back till Eunos, where I started walking back as part of cooling down. Ran to Newton via Boon Keng area, then till Orchard, Fort Canning, Lau Pa Sat, The Sail, Collyer Quay, The Padang, and down Nicoll Highway back home. Can't really count how many kilometres that will be, but definitely quite a few Calories yeah? Life lesson learnt today. TRUST. TRUST. TRUST. AND TRUST. And like it or not, I am the cause of the problem. Not anyone, but me. Because I was too selfish. And many other adjectives which I don't even know exist or not, but you know what I mean. I will wait for my second chance.

这段感情好像走到瓶颈了。 我还不想放弃，但是快绝望了。

我由始至终就没有后悔陷入这段感情。 眼前的困难、障碍，我们都无法独自克服、逾越它。 请你相信我对你的信任，好吗？ 没有问题是不能解决的。 我一直来都是你的靠山。 起初如何，今日依然，直到永远。

I start feeling that I'm no longer the Yangs that everyone used to know. Becoming more salient, more 郁郁寡欢, more 不苟言笑 at times. To be positive, I might have became more sane. To be pessimistic, I might have become scarier. Like friends would ask why I've became like this. Frankly speaking, I won't know how to answer that. Too many things are processing simultaneously in the brain right now. And problems start to become complex. I'm feeling too detached from the world I hang out with. I want to pick them up again, but like Hansel and Gretel's breadcrumbs, apparently they have been taken way, deliberately or not. Perhaps I shall just leave life, to a series of PERHAPS . 我希望給妳看到世界的方式　不是要看那些現成的、被拍好的、修過的完美照片 而是我拉著妳到我的視角　指給妳看每一個景物　讓妳親眼看見這一切是多麼的奧妙與美好 然後從此以後　我也會尋找迷人的風景　學會思考　再帶著妳看我看到的風景

为什么突然间对 三姑六婆 们感兴趣呢？ 因为他们超 八卦 的。有些更恐怖，言谈举止间还看得出他们的 隐议程 ，也就是 Hidden Agenda 。 口 蜜 腹 剑 的程度其实还蛮令人乍舌的。 在古代， 三姑是尼姑、道姑、卦姑； 六婆是牙婆、媒婆、师婆、虔婆、药婆、稳婆。 其引申的含义就是 爱搬弄是非的人 。 《鏡花緣·第一二回》说：「況三姑六婆，裡外搬弄是非，何能不生事端？」 《初刻拍案驚奇·卷六》也说：「話說三姑六婆，最是人家不可與他往來出入。」 想当年那些三姑六婆蛊惑我去读 JC， 现在更有一堆对他人的情事指指点点。 你们可曾想过当事人的苦衷？你们也太不 sensitive 一点了吧…… 顺便提醒一下诸位郎君，男子汉大丈夫，提得起，就要放得下。 纠缠不清，只能让你在泥淖里越陷越深…… 有点自知之明，就请你好自为之吧。 大家都是成年人了，希望你能够用理智与成熟的态度看待事物好吗？ 谢谢。

感情的真谛在于信任。有了信任，风雨飘摇时才能有信念。 有了信念，再大的浪涛我们都不怕。 面对流言蜚语，选择 相信 而不是 质疑 。 [4/3/12 3am: 即便如此，他不值得让你掉泪 诚如你所说，他只是个过客，你又何必太在乎呢？ 你在乎了他，那我呢？ 一开始就是他选择放弃这段机遇， 现在才来谈，为时已晚。 既然如此，个人造业个人担，你又何必太在乎呢？ 你在乎了他，那我呢？ 身心疲累。我不知道下一步棋该怎么走。 为什么我人生中第一段真正的感情要在这种泥潭里度过？] It doesn't take a lot to make me happy , as you can see all this while. But do you all realise, that it won't take a lot to make me sad , either?

響き合う 願いが今、覚醒めてく 譲れない未来のために 巡り逢う 運命を超えたその先に この想い輝くから 解き明かす 真実から 瞳を逸らさずに I'll reach the next stage to realize all. Today is Thursday. 明日复明日，明日真的是何其多啊……