The Retrocession

First post since COVID-19. Not exactly sure what to write, simply because so many things took place--I completed my Masters, I moved house several times, I was promoted, I applied for a new home, I am recruiting, blah blah blah. Just too happening. And time is slipping away fast. Didn't really have time to consolidate my mind, but yes I'm a little tired of managing the expectations of others. I mean, it's my life, I decide, isn't it? 哪儿来那么多事？ Just a random rant for now. A short rant about everything in the last 5 years. 千年後 你我都 仍被豢養

It’s all about the heart. It is obvious, that when you do things with your heart, people recognise that eventually and people respect you for it. Not just about thinking in people’s best interests, but their urge of maintaining everlasting relationships with everyone around them. I may not know some of my colleagues long enough, but through our small interactions they earned my respect. It is important for one to be of integrity and to adopt the right attitude towards whatever that is thrown upon us. (By the way you probably won’t know who you are because 我们真的不熟 but you have shown me how to do things the right way) “If life throws you stones, build beautiful stuff with them.” I am looking forward to the day, when I come become like them. No, correction. Become one of them.

It has been a good old nine months since I had the time to actually sit down and pen down some thoughts, surprisingly not in the comforts of my home but in the office, right now all alone . People often ask, “Eh brudder you go where find all these energy to talk to people and hang around ah?” “You don’t feel old meh"?” “Eh whole day talk here talk there not sian meh” “You got some many things to talk about meh?” 他妈的 林北当然会累啦…… But it is inevitable, given the nature of my job as a financial advisor. 手停口停, what to do? Life doesn’t care if you are tired; Life just want you to pamper her and make her feel good. One thing I appreciate about myself is I always feel the need to seek refuge in having “me time” . After all it has always been an “ expectation ” that I am always there for others, I spend time hanging out with friends, I am talking non-stop, etc…… However the reality is, I need (want, rather) to reach office at 7am everyday, sit at Ya Kun with a 《联合早报》 and read h...

Just ended a 10-day (actually it’s 11 but whatever, I’m an Arts student so I am assumed to be unable to process numbers beyond 9) internship. It was an amazing process of self-discovery I swear. 带了一群大学新鲜人过来我们公司参加十天的商业竞赛，其间还在民丹岛待了三天。 这短短十天真是充满了发现自我的时刻——发现自己的特长、弱点，种种。 Leading a team of interns is nothing like leading a Hall or a student society, because the stakeholders are very different. You’re no longer just responsible to organisational entities but also responsible to tangible successes, which is basically KPIs like profit or manpower. Multi-tasking have reached a new level for myself. Being someone who is extremely haphazard (and messy), leading a team while staying focused on track on what I am supposed to do already as a financial advisor is pretty challenging. 革命尚未成功，林北仍需努力。非常努力。 Being friends and co-workers at the same time brings your relationship to a whole new level. I guess one of the biggest realisation for myself is my lack of patience. I guess the past few years in Hall ...

小楼昨夜又东风，故国不堪回首月明中！ Looking back, I wrote this piece two years ago: 能够得到一份倾心的付出实属不易，两人能惺惺相惜更似缘木求鱼，即便日后无法修成正果，仍不枉此生也。 The fact is, after another two years of life and into the workforce, my reply to that will be: Don’t Waste Time Lah . 无论自己又多么喜欢，都应以个人福祉为前提。 飞蛾扑火式的爱情的确史诗般的壮烈，结局却由不得可怜，不过是自食恶果罢了。 有些人明明无法给予自己幸福，自作多情也只会两败俱伤，倒不如退一步为自己着想。 事实上，现实环境的变化总是逼你重新思考对于未来的愿景。 很多时候我们在细想之后才发现，自己喜欢的那个人不存在这个愿景内。 So do you let go? 长痛不如短痛，你说呢？ At the same time, if someone that treats you seriously comes along, what would you do? Evaluate her existence in your life, won’t you? 当“喜欢”升华为“爱”的时候，自然有一个“被爱”的或“被喜欢”的人被割爱。这没有谁先谁后的问题，只有谁更需要谁的关系。 时间并没有抚平一切的能力，它只是将你轻巧地揉捏，使你渐渐相信，有些事真的只是年少轻狂，与爱恨无关。 它也使你恍然大悟，那些年所付出的努力，只是对未知世界的乞求和排解寂寞的方式，而不是拼了命去实现的梦想。

Before I talk about other things in life (sorry other things have to make way first), TA DAH THESE ARE MY GRADUATION SHOOT PHOTOS! WARNING: THIS IS AN EXTREMELY LONG POST. REALLY DAMN LONG. Come on, it's six years, what do you expect. 报章报导咩？ This post will be a very g r a p h i c journey of my past few years, which I have to put a full stop to and move on. It's time to make ends meet, if not I may end up not having enough income to buy LiHo. YES so I brought le bae Pearl to do photoshoot for me all over the island—it must have been really tiring for her to drag that heavy camera around in this extremely hot weather.  Thanks bae, you’re the best. These places hold very special meaning to me in my formative years. Oh wait, am I allowed to use the word “formative” still? 这样老了 probably not right? Ok whatever, my point is these locations are important to me because I can never be who I am today without being there at some point in my life. I h...

事过境迁，终于又让自己遇到一个令自己大彻大悟的机会。 有些人会说，情感世界本来就是苍狗白云般变幻，其旅程总会反复曲折。 虽然自己无法苟同，但是又不得不承认，实在没有更好的诠释。 Genggam bara api, biar sampai jadi arang? 或许吧，尽管自己在这方面严重不足。 最近突然觉悟，自己在过去的感情中虽然常常以 受害者 自居，实际上也一直以 加害者 的身份存在。 过去值得追忆的事情太多了，现在唯一能做的就是向前看。 Harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi? That sucks man. Jadi saya mesti menjadi lebih berjaya daripada dia sebab saya harus membuktikan bahawa kehidupan saya bergerak maju tanpa dia. Ya sekarang itulah motivasi saya. Salty? Not really. Inilah keinginan yang keras. Semangat yang kuat. Dimotivasikan oleh you. Hurhur. 忽然之间，你经历的、我经历的所有谎言， 当初的我的退让，你的亏欠都不起眼。 　　　　　　　　　　　　　——《再遇见》苏打绿 最近也发现， “喜欢” 可适用在多人身上，惟 “爱” 仅限于一人。厘清此等差异，身边人事物与自己的关系自然明朗。 在“喜欢”还没升华为“爱”之前，选择做比情人更好的朋友， 其实是最好的选择 。 Oh and one more thing. Remember I always tell people not to judge? She sinned, you talked bad about her, you criticized her, you judged her, you insulted her, but she prayed and asked Allah (swt) to forgive her, she repented for her sins, now she became better than you. Be car...

Suddenly some late night musing after drinking a jar of beer at the hawkers. As you might know, I am someone who acts on emotions, not really by rationality. I guess your O Level Biology is right— alcohol is a depressant . Before I begin on this short and impromptu post, I must say, I am not reminiscing my university days. I can’t wait to leave this place in the past 6 months and am glad to do so. So don’t bother asking the next time you see me. These six years has made me a stronger person, much stronger than I thought I would have been in 2012. I don’t think many would have been through the same kind of nonsense that I did these six years. Well of course, 家家都有难念的经, it is not fair to compare circumstances (because I truly believe that God is fair and omnipotent), but if you were in my shoes, you probably would want to get out of that pair of shoes and go FML. Maintaining social expectations wasn’t easy. Pursuing economically impracticable interests wasn’t easy. Making ends meet wasn’t...