The Retrocession

50 days later I would be leaving this ancient city which I really wanted to come and yet dislike at the same time. Honestly I still think that Tainan is not any different from any other small city in Mainland China (okay I might get punched for saying this but it's the honest truth) and I would still prefer to live in Singapore. Personal preference. I'm probably gonna write some dedicated posts in the next 7 weeks before I return to sunny cozy Singapore and start making money. I thought living in Canada for a month was bad enough, but it was this few months experience which make me feel that home is truly what I miss the most. Home, is not just an arbitrary physical object (aka a house/flat/condominium/angmoh chu/etc) but I view it more as an abstract term. It's the kind of familiarity that I miss: food , language , 思維方式 , climate , and many more. I would not want to trade this familiarity with anything else, no matter the price. Tainan is indeed an amazing place. Si...

Half the week has went by and...... I guess the exams are over? Which isn't really the point. Hahaha. Exam only, not like I'll ever fail. Gonna attend dance competition on Sunday and I'm excited I guess? After all everything I am doing in Taiwan now kinda exceeded my expectations, since I told myself to come here with minimal expectations. No one (myself included) would ever expect me to be doing dance, something which I never ever done before. Well, sometimes we need to leave the comfort zone, although the comfort zone is always more comfortable. 50  more days of nonsense here before I go home. I guess I would miss this place, but of course home is always better. 其實寫了一堆幹話，不知道要寫些什麽，應該是喝多了吧。

曾几何时，命运里身份的对调显得如此荒唐、可笑。自己始终不愿面对的问题，终究还是得靠自己才能寻得破解。爱一个人须秉持着一颗无私的心，心甘情愿默求其福祉而不惜回报。说是容易，自己非要经历这番考验却也非易事。 现今许多感情中充斥着权谍、金钱、利益， “谁爱多了” 、 “谁不够爱” 、 “谁赚到” 、 “谁背信弃义” 等等乱七八糟的是非。能够得到一份倾心的付出实属不易，两人能惺惺相惜更似缘木求鱼，即便日后无法修成正果，仍不枉此生也。 有时候人喜欢自我怜悯，经常嗟叹自己生不逢时或责难自己，殊不知这所谓之 缘分 本来就与付出和信念呈不对等的关系。事实也证明了， 有心，足矣。 莫忘 是谁，风里雨里一直默默守护在原地。

Suddenly I feel so tiny in this gigantic world which seems to be devouring everything that I have (or wished that I have). It really feels miserable knowing that things have stopped going the way I wanted them to be and its end is nowhere near sight. It's only at moments like this when I realise that I am nobody. Yeah surely I like to behave like some boss everywhere I go but honestly, I am NOBODY. No one owes me a living. All those "toughness" that I give is just a façade to conceal that inner weakness and immaturity of the heart, that I cannot take "no" for answers. At the end of the day, who am I? Why should people bother about me? Amongst the 8 billion people we have on this Earth, what difference would I make? Killing oneself shouldn't be a solution. But in times like this it has become a way to run away from all the problems that you face--there is no point solving them when more comes your way. Fear not, I have not amassed enough bravery to conduct su...